I wish this world was as simple as everyone thinks it is. I wish friendships could all be beautiful and perfect. But for the obliviously optimistic people out there like myself, not all of them are. Unfortunately, it took me 25 years to figure that out. Oh well, better late than never. Anyway, I wanted to make a post for those of you who need to get a better perspective on your friendships. I will explain to you what I call the Friendship Paradigm. This paradigm will show you that the friendships you have, might not be the friendships you think you have. Don’t worry, I am not a downer, just an informer.
If you are a kid/person who has always thought every single one of your friends is a true friend, then this post is for you. Let’s talk in the matters of perspective. For example, let’s say I have two friends named Michael and Steve. In front of my face, Michael and Steve are friendly and seem to always get along with me. So, my perspective is that they are good friends. However, what if once I leave, Michael and Steve go on a two-hour flame parade, disrespecting me like I was the butt of a roast. Would you consider those people to be my friends? Would they be my friends even if I never knew what they were doing? Chances are they are not really doing that when I leave, however, you may have no way of ever figuring out how they truly feel about you. They may tell you that you are the greatest, but who knows if they are just feeding you some bullshit line. So, given that, I started to look at friendships in a completely different way.
To be friends with people, you must be willing to disclose something unnoticeable about yourself. By doing that a bond and strong foundation will be developed through trust. I am not saying you need to divulge huge secrets about yourself, but you need to prove you are credible and honest to “your friends” and they need to do the same to you. If a friend is unwilling to do this, well then, chances are they are dissing you behind your back. However, if that is not the case, once you develop bonds like this, you will be much less likely to find yourself in different friendship realities. You and your friends must be true to each other always or else the friendship will fail as a result of a faulty foundation. Of course, you can always beg forgiveness if you falter, but let's try not to get in that situation.
It is critical to have your friends on the same page as you are. It is possible to truly cancel people out of friendships without them ever knowing it. It happens all the time. If Michael and Steve wanted to put on a false front, they could if they wanted. Thus, completely cutting me off from an honest friendship and putting me relationally “up shit creek.” I may still think I am friends with them and that they care about me. But, in reality, they don’t. They are just using me. So, for all of you people who have a friend that you dislike but can’t disrespect them to their face, I am calling you out. If you don’t like someone, don’t abuse their presence because you can. At least be adult enough to tell them why you don’t like them and move on with your life, but (more importantly) let them move on with theirs.